Being in your 30s, you are blessed to live long enough to start seeing patterns play out. Like this pick-me phenomenon all over social media.
And truth be told, it’s just a load of garbage
But before we begin, let’s get an accurate definition so we're all on the same page -
According to Urban Dictionary,
A pick me is a woman that is willing to do anything for male approval. She will embarrass or throw other women under the bus to achieve this goal. The unfortunate thing about a pick me is usually the men they are trying to seek approval from are of poor quality and treat women badly, leaving little real benefit for the pick me.
Pick me: If a man cheats on you, it's probably because you your fault. Be feminine! Make him food!...
In high school, I remember a bunch of girls who fit this definition. In fact, I remember one girl in particular, let’s call her Roberta. She wasn’t feminine in her appearance but she knew how to talk and flirt with the boys.
All the boys wanted to be around her,
and most of the girls hated her. I mean, she could steal anyone’s boyfriend…
(but to be fair, it was high school so 9.98/10 relationships weren’t that serious to begin with but you get what I mean 😭)
At that time, my high school best friend was obsessed with a boy.
And unfortunately, Roberta also had her eyes on this boy, and it wasn't long before the two would be the next it couple.
And this bothered my friend so much. All through sophomore year, she must have called Roberta every word in the book.
If she knew pickme, she would have called Roberta one.
Let's take a look at the definition again. This definition is so egregious, and yet so popular because it really highlights the disgust that women have for this person.
Just like my high school best friend, who hated Roberta for doing that to her.
But if you take a closer look at the defintion you'll see something else. A pickme is a woman who is willing to do anything for a male's approval.
So post a suggestive instagram posts or reels, tiktok dance trends with little clothes, tight clothes, no makeup, glam makeup, lace front, natural hair, weaves, french braid, highlights, short hair, long hair, soft girl aesthetics , mob wife, low body count, or high body count are generally pickme
… or anything a woman does that can be interpreter as doing it for men’s attention is a pickme.
And that’s my point, pickme is just another derogatory terms women use about other women because she is getting the attention of the men the women probably wanted.
I mean, most of the people using this term are women, describing other women.
And this word can be weaponizing when it comes to dating. For example, I heard a story about a woman who arrived early to a restaurant and had suggested that she placed an order for apps while waiting for her date.
He was running late but he planned on being there…
So she did. And he showed up, and the date went well…
And all the women in her comments all called her a pickme, because she was trying too hard to get his attention.
I’m sorry, what?!?!
When you’re single and meet a good man - you should stand out and it’s absolutely fine to want his approval.
Yes, that’s ok.
So while I’ll say you should never be desperate for any man’s attention - like have standards softies.
Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made - so don’t treat yourself as a byproduct but an actual prize.
And when you do meet that man that fit your standards, Softies - you should put every effort in to make that relationship work.
Like I said, if he is a good man, has a good job or a provider and a man after God’s own heart, make a good impression and reinforce that impression.
Show him that you are wifey and not just a girlfriend
When I was dating my husband, from the start I made sure my first impression was wifey, and I did not hesitate to demonstrate that - irregardless if I would have been called pickme.
(and no, this did not involve sex or moving in with him or splitting checks - nope that’s not wifey title)
We focused on building intimacy.
So, while I understand the concept of pickme, at the end of the day, focus on you and not what other women say - especially if they’re single…