Femininity and masculinity are often seen as opposing forces, but in truth, these two traits were purposefully created to complement one another beautifully.
And in this post, we’re going to discuss how to be more feminine in a relationship from a Christian standpoint.
So, if you're a Christian woman seeking to attract a healthy masculine man, tapping into your God-given femininity may just be the key to creating that spark and creating a deep connection and ultimately attracting the man of your dreams
Key Takeaways
Exploring femininity and masculinity while debunking some common new age myths
Dealing with your sinful nature that can hinder you from fully embracing your femininity.
What does it mean to be feminine or soft in a relationship
Cultivating a healthy view of femininity
Expressing your femininity by dressing feminine
Be More Feminine - It Starts With You
As black women, my sister and I face many difficult challenges. We’re expected to be tough, independent, strong, assertive -almost superwoman-like when we deal with every other aspect of our lives.
So when it came to our relationships, the same skills we were applauded for or expected to have, were the exact same skills that hinder us the most.
It feels like almost every other day, we’re being criticized for being “too masculine” or not “feminine enough”, “not desirable” or “soft”.
And so, we needed to unlearn a lot to be able to understand what femininity is and how we should embrace it
Understand Masculinity and Femininity from a Biblical Perspective
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27 (NIV)
God created masculinity and femininity, and He created them perfectly before sin entered the world. When God created Adam and Eve, we see the first example of masculinity and femininity at work.
Adam was created first to work and maintain the land - the leader, protector and provider.
Eve was created for Adam’s companion and for reproduction - nurturer and lover.
I need to stress this because the in 1 Corinthians, it reads for man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.
1 Corinthians 11:8-9, 11-12
This is important because this stresses that masculinity and femininity were created for each other.
Adam also had a relationship with God before Eve was created. He had a purpose, and in fellowship with his Creator and fulfilled what he was called to do.
So did Eve.
Genesis 3 happens. The servant deceives Eve and Adam, and soon they are both banished from the garden because they violated God’s trust.
I shared a lot because there’s a lot of "woo" out there that’s misleading.
As a woman, you are naturally feminine.
There are seasons where a woman can be more masculine, ie she is likely to assume a protector / provider role because her life circumstances force her to do so. However, her femininity is still present by her definition of being a woman.
So, if you’re trying to be more feminine in your relationship, remember this first simple truth
You are inherently feminine, you may be assuming masculine roles because of life situations, but you are feminine.
And this leads me to my next point
Being Masculine isn’t a bad thing…for a season
I alluded to this earlier, but there are seasons in our lives where we as women are going to assume masculine roles.
For example, being a mom would put a woman in a masculine position in different circumstances to her children - as she is going to protect and provide.
But the key point is that these are seasons. Meaning that it’s only temporary and should not be a permanent role
Remember, you weren’t created to be masculine all the time, if you were, God would have created you a man.
And this was literally the mind-blowing moment for me. As women, we need to know when we ease off our masculine roles and assume our feminine roles. We weren't meant to carry that load.
And if we're not careful, we’ll enter relationships being masculine and attracting feminine men which can be extremely frustrating and exhausting when you find yourself assuming a role you weren’t created for.
So, what do we do.
First, we need to understand and identify when we’re acting more masculine and why.
Other than the parent role, we’re likely more masculine when we’re in a state of survival - physical, mental or emotional or when we’re in unsafe situations. That’s when we need to reflect and see what we need to do to provide safety and stability first.
Most of us aren’t in physically unsafe situations, but mentally and emotionally we’re carrying a lot on our shoulders. We set time constraints and expectations, thinking it’s all on us to do everything.
And those thoughts push us into a leader/protector and provider.
So, when faced with those concerns, that’s when we need to step back and remember that we’re not in control.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”
Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)
I love this verse because Jesus is telling us that our God knows what we need. But if we seek Him first, he will provide all these things and much more. I also love the fact that Jesus asked who can add an additional hour to our life by worrying.
By here’s the point, rather than carrying the burden of life on our own shoulders, we are encouraged to come to God.
And that leads us to our practical point - prayer. When you find yourself in a masculine state, very defensive or frustrated and tired, that should be your spiritual alarm telling you that you need to return back to God.
When you develop a healthy spiritual discipline of getting into God’s word, praying and journaling and spend time with God, resting your burden on him - He becomes your protector and provider.
That frees yourself from carrying the burden and puts you in a more feminine state while in those seasons.
And this is so important because when you enter a relationship, it’s one of the things you’ll natural give off
And let Him be your protector and provider.
By shifting your burdens to Him, you ultimately become freer which puts you into a more feminine state and then you will be able to approach relationships differently.
What does it mean to be feminine or soft in a relationship
What is a healthy definition of femininity? Is it just wearing dresses and makeup all day?
No, though it’s part of it.
A healthy feminine woman is a kind hearted, nurturing and compassionate woman who is following the Lord and operating in the purpose He has called her to be. She is loving and joyful, kind and faithful, gentle and has self-control.
Femininity is not weakness or subservience - rather it’s utilizing her God-given abilities to create safe relationships filled with love and vulnerability.
So, how do you do it in the context of a relationship
Embrace Softness and Compassion
Develop soft skills by improving your communication skills. This includes active listening and being empathetic. Be present in conversations, focus only on him and ask open-ended questions to encourage a deeper discussion.
When you want to interject, try pausing and repeating what he said to fully understand what the point was before offering your response.
The willingness to want to understand will go a long way
Another important aspect of soft skills development is emotional intelligence. This involves understanding and managing your own emotions, as well as being able to empathize with others. To enhance your emotional intelligence, consider practicing self-reflection and self-awareness through journaling and praying. It also involves having a healthy lifestyle - sleeping well, eating healthy and leading a physically active life can help you regulate your emotions.
Both of these help to create a safe relationship which allows both of you to be vulnerable and loving.
Another thing that’s often overlooked is being soft in your presentation
Opt for gentle makeup, accentuating your feminine features and opt for soft colors and fabrics when it comes to what you wear to appear soft.
Adopt a soft posture, avoid crossing your arms but sit straight up, have a gentle smile on your face while listening to your date.
On your dates, you don’t have to speak softly because that’s what you heard or watch, rather speak intentionally and directly. Respect him and his time.
And also respect yourself as well. If you sense disrespect, boundaries need to be established and reinforced.
Being feminine isn't about being subservient or weak. Rather it’s showing strength
Appreciate His Masculine Qualities
Remember when we mentioned that masculinity and femininity are complementary. Well, this is where the complementary dance takes into effect
When a feminine woman is on a date, she expects the masculine man she is on the date with to lead. And so she does so carefully with questions and compliments.
And we get it, it’s not common for women to find men who will take the initiative, but ladies they are out there. And funny enough, they’re not going to walk in and take it from you - at least most men aren’t.
Rather, it’s our job to allow them to have the space to take that position. Encourage them when to do, and applaud them for doing so. Give them the respect they deserve.
There are a lot of good men who can lead once given the capacity to do so. But not all are deserving of it, so use common sense.
Oftentimes, the status quo is to “go with the flow” when it comes to relationships.
And this mindset will put any woman into her masculine role if she does not have stability or safety.
So, practical advice is to set boundaries for yourself before you get into a relationship. Here are just a couple of questions to help you get started and write down the answers to before getting into any relationship
1. How many phone conversations / facetime / dates do I need to go with a person before I would like to be in a committed relationship?
2. What times am I available?
3. Does he live his life in a way that honors God?
Write out the answer, and if you find that you are approaching your boundaries have a direct and intentional conversation.
For example, let’s say you’re seeing this person 5-6 times and he asked you out again, but you’re not exclusive yet. And you defined that your limit is 7.
You can say,
Hey, we’ve been out a couple of times. I love spending time with you (add compliments here) and we always have a great time together, but for me to continue seeing you like this, I would need to be in a committed relationship.
In the example above, it’s not about being bossy or taking the lead. Rather, it’s about saying what you need and stepping back to allow him the room and grace to make the decision that makes sense.
Being feminine and soft in a relation is not about losing autonomy but rather creating a dynamic where both partners can showcase their strengths
Remember, you are not married to him, so you do not submit yourself to him.
And often times the fear of being lead by the wrong person can force – or if they do something a way that’s different than how we do it, we’re quick to take back the lead.
So if you find yourself anxious, fearful or nervous, step back and pray.
Submit that back to God, and let Him protect and provide for you.
Shop these soft feminine styles for date night
Act With Grace
Strive to be polite and kind, especially in response to chivalrous acts.
So being receptive and thankful is often the hardest and overlooked thing to do when it comes to relationship
Speak kindly of others, and treat others graciously. At dinner, interact with the waiter, host and staff with kindness and grace (and don’t pretend to be nice, but generally be polite)
When a date opens a door for you or lends you a jacket, recognize these gestures as acts of care and respond with kindness. Yes, you can do it yourself but you don’t have to.
It’s not about the act itself but their intention to treat you with consideration and respect.
Happily accepting gifts and allowing yourself to be treated.
And be gracious back.
After a date, a text or handwritten thank you card can go a long way.
And here’s the thing, being feminine, gracious and kind will attract more gifts. So, if you’re not receiving any gifts yet, it’ll happen the more feminine traits you start to exhibit.
And I cannot stress this part enough. I remember just starting my feminine journey, and telling our mom that looks don't matter. I'm looking for a Godly man. My mother sat me down and had a long talk...
I listened, and went from being single, quiet and reserved to having multiple men vying for my attention. This isn't being proud, but sending the world a message of who you are and how you should be addressed.
When you're dressed up in soft, flattering silhouettes like this long sleeve tweed mini dress , your posture changes, your mood lifts, and suddenly you're radiating a presence that commands respect without saying a word.
So many feminine energy courses focus on the internal work - and that's somewhat helpful - but how you present is just as important
And when it comes to dating, how you show up is almost more important initially
And often times, the biggest misconception we'll hear is that men may be taken back by how you present. He'll think you're superficial or a golddigger...
And I'd like to say he will think you have standards. And will know there are things you won't tolerate. And if he isn't rising to your standards, that's ok.
Another man will.
So spend extra time pampering yourself before the date so that you can look and feel your absolute best!
Stick to a classically feminine aesthetic: soft makeup, pastel colors, and clothes that flaunt your curves and accentuate your womanly figure.
Rosy cheeks, glossy lips, soft curls or braids will go a long way.
Look for clothes with traditionally feminine details that highlight your narrow waist and the curve of your hips.
And the beauty about this is we have an entire collection dedicated to finding styles to enhance your feminine figure. In particular this style has been pretty popular.
Tiana Bay: How We Can Help You Unlock Your Feminine Power When You're With a Man
At Tiana Bay’s, we believe in empowering and uplifting your God-given femininity.
We believe every person is fearfully and wonderfully created on purpose, for a purpose. And by being born as a woman, you are inherently feminine. And we also believe that the right outfit can help you unlock your feminine power on a date, allowing you to feel confident, radiant, and magnetic.
When we dress with intention, it sends a message—not just to the person we’re with but to ourselves about who we are, how we feel about ourselves, and how we expect to be treated. And so each style in our classy date night collection was thoughtfully selected with that in mind. Our hope is that in these pieces, you are able to communicate who you are, what you feel about yourself and the respect you deserve.
We do this by
Hand-selecting styles made of the finest composition, weight, and texture, focusing on natural fibers like cotton, silk, cashmere, and leather when possible to ensure unmatched quality and comfort.
Each item is carefully inspected for expertly tailoring to enhance your feminine silhouette to ensure that each piece drapes beautifully, providing effortless movement and a perfect fit.
And partnering with independent designers and makers who focus on crafting every detail with care.
When you're getting ready for a special evening, you shouldn’t have to worry about shipping delays or excessive costs when ordering online. We’ve taken that concern off your plate by offering free shipping on all orders, ensuring you receive your items promptly. No more waiting for weeks—your perfect date-night outfit will arrive on time, allowing you to focus on enjoying your time out.
Are you ready to unlock your feminine power on your next date?
Shop our collection today and discover the perfect outfit to help you feel soft, beautiful, and effortlessly feminine.
Dating is hard, and while there are many variables to a successful date, we have 3 tips to have a successful first date for the feminine woman
Prepare and plan ahead of your first date
First, decide on a place to go that fits both of your interests. Choose a location and activity that both you and your date will enjoy. This It could be a restaurant, a coffee shop, Lounge, art museum, book store, or anything else that allows you to spend time together in a comfortable and relaxed setting. remember, this is about figuring out who our date is and not what he can afford.
Dress Classy & Feminine
First impressions matter. Studies demonstrate that when you dress well, you feel good and confident about yourself. And confidence can go a long way when it comes to dating, as 83 percent of Americans say they’re more likely to form a good first impression of somebody they perceive as confident. on the flip side, Dressing poorly is found to be the top reasons people will form a bad first impression of somebody. And ladies, dressing more femininely means finding patterns and colors that accentuates your beautiful body. Opt for dresses and styles that highlights your figure but not reveal everything. After all, you're goal is to end up married.
Along with the clothes, opt for soft tone, delicate jewelries and a natural makeup look
Be Present, Engaged & Have Fun
Listen actively to your date and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Ask questions, lots of questions, and share your experiences. One way you can prepare for this is by having a list of conversation starters prepared so you have something to talk about. listen genuinely to what they have to say and let your feminine traits shine by being gracious, respectful and kind in what you say and how you share your views and ideas. first dates can be scary but fun. Remember that the purpose of the first date is to get to know each other better and have a good time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or your date, and enjoy the experience!
Being in your 30s, you are blessed to live long enough to start seeing patterns play out. Like this pick-me phenomenon all over social media.
And truth be told, it’s just a load of garbage
But before we begin, let’s get an accurate definition so we're all on the same page -
According to Urban Dictionary,
A pick me is a woman that is willing to do anything for male approval. She will embarrass or throw other women under the bus to achieve this goal. The unfortunate thing about a pick me is usually the men they are trying to seek approval from are of poor quality and treat women badly, leaving little real benefit for the pick me.
Pick me: If a man cheats on you, it's probably because you your fault. Be feminine! Make him food!...
In high school, I remember a bunch of girls who fit this definition. In fact, I remember one girl in particular, let’s call her Roberta. She wasn’t feminine in her appearance but she knew how to talk and flirt with the boys.
All the boys wanted to be around her,
and most of the girls hated her. I mean, she could steal anyone’s boyfriend…
(but to be fair, it was high school so 9.98/10 relationships weren’t that serious to begin with but you get what I mean 😭)
At that time, my high school best friend was obsessed with a boy.
And unfortunately, Roberta also had her eyes on this boy, and it wasn't long before the two would be the next it couple.
And this bothered my friend so much. All through sophomore year, she must have called Roberta every word in the book.
If she knew pickme, she would have called Roberta one.
Let's take a look at the definition again. This definition is so egregious, and yet so popular because it really highlights the disgust that women have for this person.
Just like my high school best friend, who hated Roberta for doing that to her.
But if you take a closer look at the defintion you'll see something else. A pickme is a woman who is
willing to do anything for a male's approval.
So post a suggestive instagram posts or reels, tiktok dance trends with little clothes, tight clothes, no makeup, glam makeup, lace front, natural hair, weaves, french braid, highlights, short hair, long hair, soft girl aesthetics , mob wife, low body count, or high body count are generally pickme
… or anything a woman does that can be interpreter as doing it for men’s attention is a pickme.
And that’s my point, pickme is just another derogatory terms women use about other women because she is getting the attention of the men the women probably wanted.
I mean, most of the people using this term are women, describing other women.
And this word can be weaponizing when it comes to dating. For example, I heard a story about a woman who arrived early to a restaurant and had suggested that she placed an order for apps while waiting for her date.
He was running late but he planned on being there…
So she did. And he showed up, and the date went well…
And all the women in her comments all called her a pickme, because she was trying too hard to get his attention.
I’m sorry, what?!?!
When you’re single and meet a good man - you should stand out and it’s absolutely fine to want his approval.
Yes, that’s ok.
So while I’ll say you should never be desperate for any man’s attention - like have standards softies.Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made - so don’t treat yourself as a byproduct but an actual prize.
And when you do meet that man that fit your standards, Softies - you should put every effort in to make that relationship work.
Like I said, if he is a good man, has a good job or a provider and a man after God’s own heart, make a good impression and reinforce that impression.
Show him that you are wifey and not just a girlfriend
When I was dating my husband, from the start I made sure my first impression was wifey, and I did not hesitate to demonstrate that - irregardless if I would have been called pickme.
(and no, this did not involve sex or moving in with him or splitting checks - nope that’s not wifey title)
We focused on building intimacy.
So, while I understand the concept of pickme, at the end of the day, focus on you and not what other women say - especially if they’re single…
Power of Femininity when it Comes to Dating
When it comes to dating, being a more feminine woman is not just about personal growth.
Or unlock your 'feminine energy' through activities and hobbies.
It is also about how you present yourself to the world.
Let's face it: we all know women who are nurturing and kind, yet you wouldn't know they were feminine.
Why?
Because looks matter.
So, softies, it's time to embrace your femininity with confidence.
Especially on those enchanting date nights.
The Art of Being Fiercely Feminine Woman
I heard a story about a young maiden in the 1800s.
She and her traveling companion were walking by a group of young gentlemen. When she dropped her handkerchief.
Thankfully, one young man noticed the young maiden drop the handkerchief. He it picked it up, and ran after her.
And when he finally caught up to her and her traveling companion, he smiled. And it was love at first sight.
After the loving couple wedded, friends wanted to know how they met.
The husband shared the harrowing story of him returning the handkerchief back to her.
Meanwhile, the wife shared a different story with her friends, privately. She shared how she saw him weeks prior. And observed him.
And when the time was right, dressed up in her best she dropped her handkerchief.
And the rest is history.
I love this story it shows how a feminine woman can guide the relationship.
Being a feminine woman in the dating world can feel like a balancing act.
But there are 3 good points we can take from this story that can make a big difference in your dating life.
Know your worth. I cannot overemphasize this enough. Learn and love about yourself. What do you want or don't want, especially when it comes to relationships. Visualize the kind of class woman you want to be and move toward her. And remember, no person can complete you. And for my Christian softies, this is especially true. Remember that e are complete in Jesus. Once sinners, but accepting that Jesus died for our sins and in him we are redeemed.
Settle for Only What You're Worth, and Nothing Less. Just like in the case of the story for the young maiden, when she sees the man she wants - she goes after it. Now, this is not the same as making the first move. Hear me clearly, men are the pursuers. They're wired that way.
That being said, you can place yourself in position to be pursed. And this could look like grabbing dinner at one of the hotels downtown in financial district. Alone.
Or choosing to attend a work related conference, networking event, or a church event. Think about the men you want to meet, where do they frequent and go there. With a friend or alone. Being strategic with your effort.
Dress Your Worth. In the world of dating and relationships, first impressions are crucial. They set the tone for what's to come. So Dress Your Worth. And no, this isn't adorned in brand name. That may set the wrong impression, but rather dress appropriately yet distinctively. When it comes to dressing your worth, your clothes should has three goals.
Give You Confident
Set the Expectation
Help You Stand Apart.
For example, if you're going to grab coffee downtown, a classy tweed dress or blazer romper is perfect. Rather than the blouse and jeans that everyone else is wearing.
Or let's say you're going out for dinner. Rather than wear the little black dress, choose a red dress for a bold dinner look. Remember, the goal is to get you noticed, and your personality and charm will do the rest.
That's why our Classy Date Night Collection is has been our top selling collection. Our collection is more than just cute clothes. It's your silent introduction, boasting about your standards and your dreams.
We hand-selected each piece in our collection to bring out your femininity.
Making you not seen but remembered.
And that's why other women like you are raving about our collection.
As you navigate the dating scene, let our Classy Date Night Collection be part of your armor.
Helping you become the woman who attracts the love and respect she deserves.
