how to be more feminine as a black woman
So, we came upon a TikTok video that caught our attention. I’ll leave the link here .
It’s a short 13 second clip.
And in the video, a group of black women and men were discussing femininity.
One of the women said, “There’s no way I can know how to be feminine when I’ve been robbed of the man that is supposed to cater to my feminine being.”
A man responded, “Men who are masculine creatures can’t teach a woman to be feminine.”
When two women disagreed, he retorted, “More better than a woman could?”
After sharing this clip with our team, it was eye-opening to hear the different responses.
But this exchange did bring up several crucial points.
The Struggle is Real, Sis
First, let’s acknowledge how challenging it is to rest in our femininity. Especially as a black woman.
If you’re like us, you’re leading a busy life. You're juggling a career, friends, family, staying active and dealing with relationships.
It's not easy to carve out time for self-care, let alone nurture our feminine side.
But the bigger elephant is the societal expectations that we have in front of us. What other people expect us to be, say and do can be tricky…
And in this exchange, it was the men accusing the women of not being feminine. Assuming they haven't meet before, these men are judging these women based on how our culture perceived them,
And that's painful. Because as one of our team members stated, "it's one thing to have others not find you desirable, but when it's you're own people. It hurts more"
And I agree, it sucks.
And if you’re single, the idea of finding a man to bring out your femininity can feel daunting. Especially if you've faced disappointments in the past.
But the man in the video is right. It’s not the man’s job to make you more feminine.
And this is not in any way meant to blame you, but we're convinced that femininity must begin with you.
how to be more feminine as a black woman
When it comes to femininity, the commonly held belief is that traditional femininity adheres to a European standard of beauty that is unattainable by black women
And a lot of black feminine coaches and feminine gurus describe a femininity for black women that is more reflective of African culture and pride. So, rather than discuss all of femininity - spiritual, mental and physical - it’s often easy to approach the spiritual mental aspect and talk about feminine energy courses.
It’s sexier, and so easy.
Preaching a message that femininity has nothing to do with your physical presentation - but the spirt behind you - misleading because it's usually the first step in any feminine women's journey. And it's an important step.
Why Feminine Energy Courses Are Not Enough
And while I do agree that the standard for beauty is largely dependent on culture and should not be the only merit for femininity but it is an important part.
And that's why at Tiana Bay, we embrace this idea of a God-given femininity which means that if God created you as a woman, you are inherently feminine.
But to fully embrace your femininity requires developing a healthy spiritual, mental AND physical aspects together.
How Tiana Bay Helps You Be More Feminine as a Woman
At Tiana Bay, we understand the profound connection between how you dress and how you feel.
And we’re not the only ones, psychologists have an entire field dedicated to how what we wear and how it impacts our life.
And the process is similar to the concept of a vision board - by creating a mental image of what you want to accomplish, scientists discovered that our brain will look for any opportunity to make our mental image a reality.
So when you choose to wear feminine clothes, and look into a mirror, you are creating a mental image and your brain is going to confirm.
Dressing more feminine also serves as a rededication to your feminine journey. When you decide each day to wear something feminine, it serves as a daily reminder of your identity and values. And makes a statement to yourself and the world about who you are.
It's not just clothes, or is it?
One of the major objections we hear is that clothes do not make a woman feminine, but how she carries herself. And often times, this statement is followed by some story of a women dressed in sweats still looking feminine and attractive.
Let's just be clear, there are exceptions to everything in life.
But we’re not saying that clothes are the sole reason why a woman is feminine, it’s one of the reasons why she is perceived as more feminine than others.
Remember, to a point we alluded to earlier, if God made you a woman, you are inherently feminine.
But let’s do a little activity, when it comes to feminine women, who comes to mind? For me, it's Princess Catherine or Dorothy Dandridge.
Both women ooze feminine and class in their appearance, speech, and posture.
I don't know anything about their personality but they're pretty, feminine and classy, and it's because of how they present themselves.
And here’s the powerful takeaway from their presentation, once a woman make that impression stick - it’s hard to not see them as feminine.
This cognitive bias is also known as the halo effect which assumes that someone who is physically attractive also has other positive qualities like intelligence, kindness, or competence.
And here’s the hardest part for most of us as women, we’ve been conditioned to think that looks has little to do with how people perceive us - or should have little to do with how people perceive us - but the research has disproved this.
This study was first introduced in the 1970s, but still active today in so many areas in life.
It’s not fair but this is the reality of our world.
So when a woman wants to be more feminine, classy and pretty, this is bigger than working just on the internal aspects - but also the external aspects too.
And at Tiana Bay, it’s personal for us for this reason. We talk about the spiritual and mental work for any woman who wants to be more feminine but also we step into the physical world and talk about what it looks like to dress more feminine.
We curated a collection of high-quality, classy, and playful styles designed to help women like you feel soft, delicate, and pretty because we believe in the transformative power of dressing more femininity.
And as Christians, we celebrate God through fashion. You are fearfully and wonderfully made on purpose. And we don’t ever want you to feel less than. So that’s why we work hard to provide you with the styles that will empower you. And we hope you will join our community of like-minded women who are also navigating the balance of work, life, and personal growth. Share your experiences, uplift each other, and find strength in our shared stories. Together, we can redefine what it means to be soft, delicate, feminine as a black woman and empower each other to live our best lives.
Valerie, Co-Founder of Tiana Bay
My sister and I started Tiana Bay with a goal to help women reclaim their femininity with a curated collection of high-quality, classy, and playful styles. Our brand was created out of frustration to how black women were negatively portrayed in the media and our goal is to challenge the negative stereotypes surrounding black women and femininity
What Women Are Saying About Us
"I’ll admit I was hesitant because I had never heard of this boutique but it had the perfect dress for my daughters christening at a great price! Well I was pleasantly surprised! The communication about the order was top notch customer service and it got here so quickly! Then I opened it up and the quality was there! It has good weight to it and fine detail! Definitely was a good purchase! Highly recommend!.”
At Tiana Bay, we believe that dressing feminine is more than clothes. It's about embracing our God-given femininity, how we feel about ourselves and how we show up in the world. Growing up, my sister and I struggled to find soft feminine clothing that reflected the women we wanted to become. So, we started a feminine clothing brand to help you feel soft, delicate and beautiful while challenging the negative cultural stereotypes. We want to help you celebrate the strength and beauty that lies within a woman who knows she was born for such a time as this.
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