So, we came upon a TikTok video that caught our attention. I’ll leave the link here.
It’s a short 13 second clip.
And In the video, a group of black women and men were discussing femininity.
One of the women said, “There’s no way I can know how to be feminine when I’ve been robbed of the man that is supposed to cater to my feminine being.”
A man responded, “Men who are masculine creatures can’t teach a woman to be feminine.”
When two women disagreed, he retorted, “More better than a woman could?”
After sharing this clip with our team, it was eye-opening to hear the different responses.
But this exchange did bring up several crucial points.
The Struggle is Real, Sis
First, let’s acknowledge how challenging it is to rest in our femininity. Especially as a black woman.
If you’re like us, you’re leading a busy life. You're juggling a career, friends, family, staying active and dealing with relationships.
It's not easy to carve out time for self-care, let alone nurture our feminine side.
But the bigger elephant is the societal expectations that we have in front of us. What other people expect us to be, say and do can be tricky…
And in this exchange, it was the men accusing the women of not being feminine. Assuming they haven't meet before, these men are judgingt hese women based on how our culture perceived them,
And that's painful. Because as one of our team members stated, "it's one thing to have others not find you desirable, but when it's you're own people. It hurts"
And I agree, it sucks.
And if you’re single, the idea of finding a man to bring out your femininity can feel daunting. Especially if you've faced disappointments in the past.
But the man in the video is right. It’s not the man’s job to make you more feminine.
And this is not in any way meant to blame you, but we're convinced that femininity must begin with you.
In fact, the very nature of the word, femininity, it is traits attributed to a woman - a biological woman. So, when God created you (assuming you are a woman) he put all the feminine traits you need within you.
All we need to do is to bring those traits.
This leads me to the next point that often comes up. And it's the idea of "feminine energy courses."
While these courses promise to teach you how to be more feminine, we’ve seen enough to know that femininity is not something that is taught in a course...
And if you take enough of these courses or study these materials, you’ll realize that these topics are lifelong lessons. (which we’ve created a blog post that you can read)
And you're likely doing them yourself on your journey to be a more feminine woman.
When we think of feminine women, who comes to mind?
For me, it's Princess Catherine or Dorothy Dandridge. Both women oozes feminine and class in their appearance, speech, and posture.
I don't know anything about their personality but they're feminine, and it's because how they present.
Dress to Express, Not Impress
At Tiana Bay, we understand the profound connection between how you dress and how you feel.
And we’re not the only ones, psychologists has an entire field dedicated to how what we wear and how it impacts our life.
So when you choose to wear feminine clothes, you tap into your feminine side easily.
It also serves as a rededication to your feminine journey. When you decide each day to wear something feminine, you create a mental picture. And that picture serves as a daily reminder of your identity and values. And makes a statement to yourself and the world about who you are.
And while courses teach concepts, feminine clothing allows you to live them every day. Reinforcing your commitment of who you are becoming. And how you expect others to treat you.
So, before you expect a man or anyone else to cater to your femininity, it’s important to focus on your self-improvement first.
When you focus on that, you set the standard that attracts the right kind of people and relationships into your life.
And this is why we love what we do. At Tiana Bay, we curated a collection of high-quality, classy, and playful styles designed to help black women feel soft, delicate, and pretty. We believe in the transformative power of dressing more femininity.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Join our community of like-minded women who are also navigating the balance of work, life, and personal growth. Share your experiences, uplift each other, and find strength in our shared stories. Together, we can redefine what it means to be soft, delicate, feminine as a black woman and empower each other to live our best lives.